Ever been in that position where you feel like you're the problem or an issue in the workplace? Can't let things go? Constantly rumminating over conversations? Think people are constantly questioning your performance? Got work stress?
Listen.
Been there, done that. See that pic to the right? That was literally taken after I had a meeting where I thought I was a problem. I had to talk myself down. Wayyyy down.
I was shaky.
I was nervous.
My pulse was elevated.
I felt hyperfocused on all the things I felt I couldn't control. Then, come to find out during that very meeting....it wasn't a ME issue.
I had created it in my head.
I had convinced myself that I was overbearing, underperforming, unwanted in the workplace, and that noone understood me. And that I was letting everyone down. This issue for me was twofold. One, I'm a working Mommy. Returning back to work after struggling with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. It took everything in me to take the plunge to go back to work. And let me tell you, dearies.....it was not easy. But it never is, for any Mommy. The other caveat to my self-deprication was that I felt that I constantly was falling behind the mark of expectations. I've been in the professional world for quite some time, so to see that I may be lagging, forgetting something, or not doing enough, was crippling. It's one thing to feel like you're constantly behind the curve at home. Picking up laundry, chasing after a toddler, or even trying hard to make sure you're getting something healthy put on the table for dinnertime. It's another issue to feel like you're behind the curve professionally.
Get work stress relief.
But this isn't just for Moms.
As I've learned from myself, and several patients of mine who are also professionals...there has been tremendous sacrifice to be in the professional world as a woman. Sacrifice in romantic relationships. Sacrifice with family. Sacrifice with taking care of our own physical health often. And it all funnels into where we are dedicating much of our emotional and cognitive space toward: work.
It's easy to say, "Hey lady, carve time for the treadmills. Carve time to reach a good book on the balcony after the kids go to sleep." But honestly, sometimes just making it to the end of the day in one piece was a monumentous task.
So what happens when things come to a head and stress is building?
Talk about it. Share. And I don't necessarily think venting to co-workers is a good idea...it's better to speak with someone who doesn't have a "dog in the fight". Someone who can be objective and give you the honest feedback of where you can let go, or give some pushback. If you can, choose that person wisely, and outside of the workplace. Because work is exactly that...a place of business.
Think before you send that email,dear.
Often, when we feel we are not in the wrong, we want to defend ourselves. Especially when we have worked hard to achieve success or are deemed as overachievers. There is a bit of perfectionism and need to be accepted in having the immediate response to "prove ourselves". That goes back to childhood. Our need to be perfect, or to not upset the authority figure, or to keep the peace.
But you don't have to do that.
If you show up for your clients, or that project, or staff members, then your work and care speaks for itself. Volumes!
Understand you're human.
Nothing I do is perfect. Nothing you do is perfect. We are going to have disagreements. We are going to have conflicts. It's how you solve and move past them that ultimately shows what kind of coworker you are. You may say something terse. You may even be caught having a roll of the eye. And it may not even be in connection to work. It could be your response to something outside of work making you anxious in that moment. Give yourself grace, otherwise you're just going to increase your anxiety.
Understand how perfectionism works. Here's a basic textbook definition of being a perfectionist....
"Perfectionism is a personality trait that involves setting unrealistic expectations for oneself or others, and demanding an extremely high level of performance. Perfectionists may also be overly critical of mistakes, and have a fear of failure. Other common traits include:
All-or-nothing thinking
Obsessive thinking
Seeking reassurance
Procrastinating
Feeling depressed by unmet goals
Shrugging off compliments
Forgetting to celebrate successÂ
"Perfectionism can lead to a negative self-perception, which can in turn cause chronic stress, anxiety, and depression. It can also steal enjoyment from life.Â
Perfectionism can be caused by many factors, including:
Frequent fear of disapproval from others
Feelings of insecurity or inadequacy
Mental health issues like anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
Having a parent who exhibits perfectionistic behaviorÂ
Perfectionism is not a mental health diagnosis, but it is often exhibited in certain mental health disorders. "
That's where I come in. That's where people like me come in. You don't have to carry that pit in your stomach all day feeling inadequacy or that you're not enough.
Accept that everyone isn't for YOU.
That's right. Not everyone will like you. In fact, sometimes you may attach yourselves to those you thought were, and realized the latter. But when you're in a pinch, you'll be able to discern who you can confide in. They are usually the ones to pull you aside with honesty. And of course, give you grace.
Know when to shut it down.
Noone can say you said something if you weren't there. My grandmother always says, "When people show you who they are, believe them".
There's a place to be cordial, and a place to let your hair down. You don't want the stigma of being the girl who crowds the water cooler waiting for someone to show up and talk about Becky, so know when to fashionably exit stage left if conversations are taking a right turn. Again, it keeps your name out of the mud, decreased your anxiety, and keeps you from ruminating on the negatives in the workplace.
Sip , sip, friends.
-Cre
Sign up to get FREE tidbits about mental health below! Would love to include you..
Comments